My Ironman Story
Wednesday September 9, 2009
Do you remember the movie, A Beautiful Mind, with Russell Crowe? He plays a brilliant mathematician, John Nash, that suffers from schizophrenia. He sees in his mind two people, a college roommate, and a little girl, who is the college roommate’s niece. Of course, these people do not actually exist and Nash is the only one that sees them. Towards the end of the movie, when Nash is beginning to realize his illness and how to deal with it, he makes this observation, “I've gotten used to ignoring them and I think, as a result, they've kind of given up on me. I think that's what it's like with all our dreams and our nightmares, Martin, we've got to keep feeding them for them to stay alive.”
So what does this have to do with Ironman? I can remember as a young man being afraid of nothing. I would climb the highest tree, jump off the railroad tressel into the Hatchie River without any fear, go anywhere and do anything without any thought of failure or consequences, but somewhere along the way, slowly, almost imperceptibly, my nature has changed. Perhaps with life’s experiences I have become wiser, perhaps with age I have become weaker, whatever the cause Fear, Doubt, and Anxiety have crept in and somehow have lodged themselves into my soul. The casual observer, the passer-bye, even some close friends can’t see these characteristics. They see Self-confidence, Determination, and Fearlessness. Unfortunately, like John Nash, who sees things that aren’t really there, I see these demons. Maybe they come from a realization and acceptance of my own mortality. Wherever, whenever, however, I can’t really determine, but I know they are there, and furthermore, I don’t like them. They are the weights tied around my legs when I swim. They are the aches and pains that weaken my body when I bike, and the forces that hinder me when I run. It is the fog that clouds my vision, when my heart and mind wants to see with clarity.
When I get in the water on Sunday, these burdens will be there with me.
I suppose the motivation to do an Ironman originates from different places for different people. For me, I endeavor to win back some of the self-confidence, determination, and fearlessness, that has been lost over the years. I hope to conquer the demons of doubt, fear, and anxiety that have griped my soul. At the end of the day, I hope to look back and declare with confidence that I have achieved a goal that only a few have achieved, I hope to say that I have earned the right, as with many of you, to be called an Ironman.
Thursday September 10, 2009
Last night, my home was vandalized. No kidding! About 9:30 pm Carla, Christine, Karen, and Michelle “decorated” my house and yard with large, red, M-Dot posters. They were on the mail-box, they were attached to the trees with thumb tacks, they were taped to the porch, garage, front door, and vehicles. Did I mention they were large and red? All of the neighbors commented on the new additions to the landscaping. They were fabulous! One particular M-Dot was personalized by Catherine Downs; this one is now hanging on the wall in my office.
I arrived in Madison this afternoon at about 2:30pm. I drove directly to Monona Terrace to register. Today was a great day to register, as most participants will arrive tomorrow. From start to finish, registration took about 20 mins. Thanks to Carla for recommending early registration.
I am checked in to the Concourse Hotel, nice digs. There are quite a few triathletes walking around and wearing what I call “ego gear”. Before anyone criticizes me, I also am wearing my ego gear. If you have competed in a triathlon, marathon, 10K, 5K…etc. and have received a t-shirt with the event advertised on the shirt, then you should be proud. I simply call the shirts ego gear because they validate to the world that we have trained, competed and finished these races and we want the non-racing world to know we have set goals and achieved them and deserve some bit of recognition. I also see others wearing various club gear. I am proud to be wearing my Multisport Madness gear and am proud of the identity that comes along with MSM.
Dinner tonight was pasta. Matt, Brian and I ate at a place called Tutto Pasta Cucina Italiana. We sat outside and enjoyed the food and the crowd. Matt and Brian are going to rock. They are both really good athletes and I sense they will be very competitive in their age group. I have ridden the course with Matt before; he is usually very strong. Brian is also very fast and I believe that he will do well.
I was honored to receive from my newest girlfriend, Catherine Downs, a phone call this evening wishing me “good-luck”. She will be at the race watching and I will remember her phone call and her sweet voice.
At the moment I am visualizing entering the finish shoot on Sunday and hearing the announcement; “Russ Morphis, you are an Ironman!
Friday September 11, 2009
Today is the eighth anniversary of the Terrorists attacks on 9/11/01. Our world can be a crazy place full of hate, evil, and selfishness. Today, I choose to focus on the positive! I wonder if I could convince my enemy to join me in an Ironman; the training, the determination, the will to compete, and the compulsion to finish, would he still be my enemy when we crossed the finish line. At the end of the day would the seeds of discord, hatred, evil and foolishness still exist between the two of us?
Ironman is a great equalizer.
This morning I swam at 7:00am. There were several hundred triathletes gathered at the swim start for a warm up. I went for 40 minutes at a nice relaxed pace, picturing in my mind race day and the chaotic swim start with all of the swimmers competing for space, cadence and oxygen. It reminds me of when I was a little boy going fishing with my dad. We would stop at a bait shop near Tunica, Mississippi to buy a bucket full of minnows. The water in the holding tank would boil and churn with the movement of the fish as they were being netted and transferred to our bucket. I wondered if they knew what their fate would be.
After the swim I met five guys that have traveled from Germany to Madison to compete in Ironman with hopes of qualifying for Kona. Maybe they will.
The Athletes dinner was at 5:30. This was my first Ironman Dinner. The banquet hall was packed with thousands of people all anticipating race day. Paula Newby Fraiser was one of the speakers. She is an eight time world champion. One of the people in attendance will complete his 42nd Ironman on Sunday. Unbelievable!
Saturday September 12, 2009
Started the day at 7:00 with another short 20 minute swim. There were more people there this morning. The water was very nice. After the swim I went for a short ride with Kristi Rankin followed by a short 10 minute run. I like training with Kristi, as she always has confidence and never complains. She will do well tomorrow.
The City of Madsion seems to embrace this event. I have received well-wishes from total strangers. The State Capitol was surrounded this morning by a very large farmer’s market. There were all kinds of fresh vegetables, flowers, cheeses, honey, breads, and a large cast iron kettle, where two guys were cooking kettle corn. I would like to come back sometime when I have more time to spend wandering around to purchase some fresh produce.
After a long week involved in a tough trial, my friend, Dan Konicek, arrived and checked in. He is a strong athlete with a great deal of character and integrity. I believe he will have a strong race. I have enjoyed getting to know Dan over the past year. He and I have logged a lot of miles together. There is a lot of substance to this guy and I consider myself fortunate to call him my friend.
Every now and again, I find myself thinking about tomorrow and my old friends; doubt, fear and anxiety creep into my thoughts. There is nothing left to do now but go compete and finish the race.
Monday September 14, 2009
No journal yesterday, I was too busy!
My day started at 4:00am. Pam and I got up and started moving towards T1 whereupon I added the last minute touches to the bike and went through body marking. Even though there were thousands of athletes, body marking went faster than I expected. We moved down to the race start and found a quite place to sit down allowing about 30 minutes to discuss the day. At this time of the morning, the lake was smooth with barely a ripple on the water. I too was calm and was thinking about how the day would go and end. My goal coming into the day was to finish. My coach, Carla Hastert, had avoided allowing me to define specific times. She kept telling me the day is about control, survival, and finishing. As it turned out, this became very sound advice. None-the-less, I had a secret goal of fourteen hours or less.
More and more people started moving down to the swim start. The sun was beginning to edge it’s way up on the horizon and there was a stir in the air from the excitement and anticipation of the day. I saw several MSM’ers and begin hanging out with them in the swim start area. Pam left to go and get Brooke and Haleigh at the hotel.
I put my wet suit on at about 6:30. Some people had already entered the water as the swim marshal was urging more and more athletes to enter as the starting time was 7:00. I entered the water about 6:40 and moved out to an area that I thought would be a good place for me to start. There was one of the Kayak people nearby and I swam over and hung on to the Kayak while the balance of the 2400 swimmers entered the water. As I hung there I had the chance to look toward the shore and view the thousands of spectators and volunteers that had amassed. There were people all along the Monona Terrace path next to the shoreline, there were people lined up on the helix waiting to cheer on their favorite athlete, there were people on the balconies of the apartments overlooking the lake, there were people everywhere. I thought to myself, “what an amazing sight”. In the midst of this crowd, I noticed several people down the lakeshore with fishing poles seemingly annoyed that we were interrupting what must have been their Sunday morning tradition.
After several loud cheers of support from the crowd, the singing of the National Anthem, the canon was fired to start the pros. The anticipation of the day was moving from expectation to reality. 10 minutes later the canon was fired for the age-grouper’s start. I quickly started the timer on my watch and began the first part of the trilogy.
If you are one of the people still reading at this point, you will remember my description of the swim start from Friday. I compared the swim start to minnows being netted at a bait shop; I was wrong. These were not minnows; these were sharks! The water churned with every stroke of 5000 arms and 5000 legs, everyone kicking and fighting for his or her place in the water. I very quickly realized that I would have to abandon my typically gentle nature and fight for every inch and stroke. I swam over people that were zig-zagging, I was hit, shoved, kicked, and pummeled and I gave as much as I endured. I remembered the advice from Chris Palmquist, “you have as much claim on being there as the next person, don’t back down”. Good advice.
The first loop was constant battling for cadence and position, fortunately the group started settling down a bit as every swimmer found their pace and cadence. The second loop was easier, which allowed me to stretch out and focus on being as efficient as possible. I met a particularly foul human being in the water with about 600 meters to go. I do not know who she was, nor will I ever know. I do know that she was wearing a white swim cap, which determined that this person was indeed female. I was swimming along looking forward to getting out of the water, when all of a sudden from my right this person attacked me. I do not know why she could not swim in a straight line but this particular skill eluded this being. She thought I was her personal bumper car. I would move to the left trying to give her some room and she would simply veer left and attack me again. On several occasions I physically pushed here with my right arm. This strategy worked for a short distance and then she would be back on my right side trying to behead me again. I was determined to hold my line and pace, I was not going to let the being pass me. When we made the final left turn she stopped to breast-stroke for a second and I was able to rid myself of this albatross and cruise on in to a personal best for me of 1:24 for the 2.4 mile swim.
Out of the swim I caught a cramp in the right hamstring that lasted for only a short time. I moved to the area where you are stripped of your wetsuit. A fellow MSM’er, Charles, was my personal stripper and I was out of the wetsuit and running towards the helix. All the spectators were cheering and yelling out your name. About ¾ of the way up, Christine, Karen, Mary Ann, and others were screaming out my name with encouragement and support. I will never forget this moment.
Up to the top level of the terrace I was herded into the changing room where I put on my biking gear and headed off to grab the wheels. This is where I finally made eye contact with Pam and the kids. They were in an elevated position just over the transition area cheering me on. I couldn’t imagine being there without friends and family.
I mounted the bike and rolled down the west side helix to complete the second part of the trilogy, a 112 mile bike ride. At this point I was feeling great and kept hearing the advice of Carla and Chris, “don’t eat the paste”, I thought my pace was good and I did not concern myself with being passed by other bikers. I also did my share of passing, but did not think that I was going too fast. I quickly begin taking in fluids and calories. One GU pack and one package of shot blocks before the first aid station. At the aid station I grabbed a Gatorade and downed two E-tabs, which was to be a regular habit all day.
The first MSM people I saw on the bike course were Mark and Sue D. They were positioned at the intersection of County route G and 92. This is a sharp right hand turn with a steep incline. Fortunately, I was prepared for the turn and had already adjusted my gearing to take the hill. I passed several people who were not ready, just as I was being cheered on by Mark and Sue. Thanks Mark and Sue for the encouragement!
I hate the hill going up to Mt. Horeb. I hate this hill more than any of the other hills on the course. I hate the hill going up to Mt. Horeb!
Coming up the second long hill at Old Sauk, I was cheered on by Pam and the girls as well as Carla and a host of other MSM’ers. Your support was greatly appreciated. I will be there for you next year.
The third hill was a bit of a reality check. As I was grinding up the hill a motorcycle passed me followed by five of the top pros. They were at about mile 80 as I was getting close to mile 50. They passed me going up the hill as if I was standing still. These guys are really good. I wondered when I would be passed by Adam, Danny, Matt, and Dan. I guess I was far enough along that I never saw them, but the second loop was yet to come.
At about Mile 70, I caught a cramp in the right quad. This particular cramp would haunt me the rest of the day. I had to slow down a bit and was discouraged. I have only finished one race without cramps and today would not be the one. The second loop was much more difficult than the first. The cramps diminished but I was just not as strong as I had hoped. As I climbed the second hill for the second time, I was cheered on by Chris, Eric, and others. It was nice to see some familiar faces as I was getting tired of being on that bike.
The stick back to Monona was great. I was ready to be off the bike and tired of riding. I made my way up the west helix and went to the changing room to prepare for the run.
Out of T2 to start the third part of the trilogy, a 26.2 mile run. I was feeling tired but confident, I thought my internal goal of 14 hours was in reach. I began to run at a slow pace to get my legs underneath me and was met once again by Pam and the kids. They blew me kisses and offered voices of support and encouragement. Down the first hill I met Christine, Catherine, and Karen. I had to pause and give Catherine a quick kiss on the cheek, she is a sweetheart. Down a bit further I was greeted by Carla and Michele. They ran along beside me for about a hundred yards. It was great! I wished they could run along the whole way, as our previous training runs are always entertaining and enlightening. It seemed natural to be running with them.
Remember the cramps from mile 70? They came back with a vengeance at mile 3 of the marathon. My right quad and left hamstring both decided it was time to rebel. I saw Danny Delgado running towards me at what seemed to be a very fast pace. The guy looked great! As it turns out, he was great. Danny qualified for Kona at today’s event. Congratulations to Danny. My day would turn out much different. After mile three, I simply could not run. I kept drinking liquids at every aid station, I took salt tablets, I ate bananas, I did everything I could, but it just did not work. My dream of 14 hours was gone and I soon realized that I needed to focus all of my efforts on finishing before mid-night.
At the turn around on State street, I was met by Dan Konicek. Dan was on his second loop of the marathon and looking pretty strong. He paused to check on me and voiced a quick prayer on my behalf. I was still on the first loop and calculating weather or not I would be able to finish. I made it to the turn around near the capital and was once again greeted by the cheers of many MSM people as well as the large crowd that had gathered. It was pretty disappointing to have to turn around and go for 13 more, but I was determined to finish. I remembered having a discussion with Janine about her first Ironman. She had to walk the entire marathon. As I remembered her conversation, I gained some encouragement and pressed on.
It was lonely on the second loop. It was dark, and most of the spectators were either asleep or watching the Packers and Bears play football. I saw Janine and she yelled out, “you are a rock star, I will see you at the finish line.” I kept looking at my watch and the mile markers calculating my pace and my chances of making it to the finish line before mid-night. At mile 24 there was a lady named Karen. Karen was in a wheel chair and had parked herself in the middle of Dayton Street. Perhaps you saw her too. She had been there all day long and was waiting to give me one more word of encouragement. It was just before 11:00pm. I reflected for just a moment. Here she was, confined to a wheel chair not able to swim, bike or run, not even able to walk. Here I was in pain, disappointed that I couldn’t run, but at least I was walking. I was competing; I was going to finish. I had to pause for just a moment and thank God for the ability to do this and the gift of health that has been provided to me. At mile 25 I had 53 minutes to finish. What a relief! Every muscle in both legs was fighting to stop. I kept repeating in my head, one foot in front of the other. When I turned onto State Street I could see the Capitol and hear the announcer. I couldn’t wait to round the last corner. There were a few people remaining to encourage. They said, “looking great”, “you’re almost there”, I must have looked like a battle weary soul.
When I rounded the last turn, I saw the finish line, I heard the crowd, I saw the MSM’ers who amazingly had stayed up to see me come in. I managed to kind of run for the last 50 yards. I was overjoyed as I was listening to the announcer proclaim, Russ Morphis, You are an IronMan! I was met my Jamie and Carla at the finish line. They had to physically hold me upright. My legs were done; I could barely stand on my own. I was greeted by Christine, Michele and others whom I do not remember, I am sure they were glad I had finished as they all wanted to go to their hotels and sleep
So today I can barely walk, my legs are better, but I have several huge blisters on both feet. Moving around is going to be difficult for several days, but I finished! Carla’s prophetic words were true. This day was about survival.
Those demons of fear, doubt and anxiety; they were out on the course waiting for me. They showed up at about mile 18. Like John Nash, I had to ignore them.
Thanks to the following in no particular order:
Carla Hastert. You have been a great friend and great coach. This last year has been challenging for you as you had to learn to coach someone like me. I know I was not the model student, but then again I never have been. You always encouraged me, pushed me, challenged me, and worked to get me across that finish line. I can’t wait to be there next year to see you.
Christine Downs. Do you remember those 30 minute runs in the middle of the winter? You know the ones right off the bike at the early morning training at the Bike Shop? You know, the ones where it was 10 degrees and the wind was blowing. Thank you for training with me. I enjoyed getting to know you and your family over the past year. You are a terrific lady. I am honored to know you.
Karen Zilly. Thanks for the Saturday morning companionship on the training runs and the Sunday morning bike rides. You are a terrific person. Thanks for your encouragement.
Michele Williams. You have one of the most beautiful smiles in the universe. I appreciate the companionship so often on Saturday mornings. You always had words of encouragement and positive mojo. I have enjoyed getting to know you over this past year. I can’t wait to see you next year at IM. You are going to rock!
Ryan Whilham. Thanks for always trying to convince me that I am a great swimmer. Thanks for the training runs and the positive encouragement.
Dan Konicek. You and I have logged quite a few miles together. You are a very good athlete and I appreciate your encouragement. I am looking forward to many more miles with you my friend. You have a great deal of integrity and character; it has been my privilege to get to know you.
Mark & Sue Dziuban. You two have always been a source of encouragement. Thanks for inviting me to join the Master’s Swim group. Thanks for being at that hill and screaming your heads off.
Beth Ann Bock. Thanks for pushing me every Wednesday morning during the time trial rides.
The Bike Shop. You guys are great. Thanks for keeping me rolling down the road and keeping the bike in top shape. Thanks for letting us use the facility for indoor rides all winter.
Kristi Rankin. Thanks for sharing the lane in Master’s and for all of the co-training. You are one tough lady.
Adam Zucco. Thanks for all of the swimming instruction back during the long cold winter.
All of MSM. Thanks for leading by example and providing an organization that is top notch and truly representative of this sport of Triathlon.
Pam Morphis. I love and appreciate every minute of your support and encouragement.
Morphis Kids. I love you and appreciate the support for your “crazy” father.
God. Thanks for the blessing of health and ambition.
